Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form
Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!
Hello, Mohamad! I am Elyza G. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let’s get started!
*Writing Strength:It’s good that the topic sentences are clear. Here’s an example:
• First, the battle is used when the narrator thought he was to only read the speech, but he ended up in a forced planned battle surrounded by drunken white men.
With this, your readers will know that the body paragraph will focus on the battle. Good job!
*Mohamad 11030028, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis:
The order of topics in the thesis does not match the order of topics in the essay body. Here’s the current thesis:
• The short story’s symbolism is portrayed by the blindfold, the battle, the speech, the money rugs, and the narrator’s determination.
Here, you first mention the blindfold. However, you first discuss the battle. With this, the arrangement of topics is not consistent. Note that there should be a consistent organization in your essay. The order of topics should be only one. To fix this, you need to decide which order you will follow. If you stick with the thesis, rearrange the body paragraphs. Otherwise, rearrange the topics in the thesis and align them with the arrangement in the body. So, which order will you choose? Which will you rearrange? Reorganize your essay.*Mohamad 11030028, you requested help with Content Development:
Some summary sentences are quotes. Here’s an example:
• They were “brass pocket tokens advertising a certain make of automobile” (Ellison 276).
This sentence is from the paragraph about the rugs. Like a topic sentence, a summary sentence is written using the writer’s own words and understanding. Also, a quote is better used as a supporting detail. With this, you need to revise the sentence above to reiterate the topic sentence properly. Another option is to just write a new summary sentence. Consider this example:
• This shows that the effects are used to enlighten the readers of the true conflict in the story.
Here, I reiterated the use of effects. With this, how will you write your summary sentence? Will you revise the quote or just make a new summary sentence? Write the summary sentence at the end of the paragraph.Grammar & Mechanics
Some of your sentences are missing commas after introductory elements. See this sentence: Here the battle symbolized the control the whites had over black people back then, and the challenges black people had to put up with.Here, you do not put a comma after the introductory phrase “Here.” Your readers might find your sentences confusing if you do not put commas after introductory elements. Consider this example: Here, the character is portrayed as rich but socially awkward.As you can see, the introductory element “Here” is separated properly by a comma. Check your draft for missing commas after introductory elements, and correct those sentences. To know more about commas, see this lesson: Commas.Summary of Next Steps:
• Reorganize your essay.• Write summary sentences.• Add commas after introductory elements.
Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Mohamad. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! ~Elyza G.
You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook.
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Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.
Mohamad Alo
Dr. Welch
ENGL 1102
10/16/2020
Use of Symbolism in Battle Royal by Ralph Ellison and Hills like white elephants
Ralf Ellison’s short story Battle Royal revolves around the death of the narrator’s grandfather, who left a piece of advice to the family members. The son later experiences a hard battle trying to find the real meaning of the advice left for him. The short story’s symbolism is portrayed by the battle, the blindfold, the money rug, the speech, and the narrator’s determination.
First, the battle is used when the narrator thought he was to only read the speech, but he ended up in a forced planned battle surrounded by drunken white men. Here, the battle symbolized the control the whites had over black people back then, and the challenges black people had to put up with. The narrator also says that the boys who were forced in the battle were already feeling uncomfortable, but he couldn’t leave, “but as we tried to leave we were stopped and ordered to get into the ring. There was nothing to do but what we were told” (Ellison 271). This shows that the black people had no means out of the oppression by the white.
Secondly, the blindfolded symbolism is used in the story to represent the blind hatred towards black people by the whites. The narrator says,” ‘Blindfolded, I could no longer control my motions. I had no dignity. I stumbled about like a baby or a drunken man (Ellison 271). This is a form of blind hatred that black people could tolerate, no matter how much it hurt them because they did not have a choice. The whites hated them not because they knew who they were but blindly hating them because they thought their skin color was not appealing. The boxers in the ring wailed, hitting one another, and did not know why who they were hitting but they had to keep fighting. This was to shows the hatred was to continue even if there was no reason behind it. Moreover, the incident represented how white Americans blindly didn’t know the black people but blindly hated them by sending segregation blows towards them and stereotyped the black race as lesser humans simply because of the color of their skin.
The money rug is also another form of symbolism that the author uses to develop the story. The boys were given a chance to make money and win gold by taking it from the rug. However, the main challenge was that the coins were electrified. Every minute any boy could land his hand on the money, they would experience an electric shock. When the narrator tried to get his hand out of the rug, he says, “I tried to frantically remove my hand but could not let go. A hot, violent force tore through my body, shaking me like a wet rat. The rug was electrified” (Ellison 274). This incident symbolized the kind of economic struggle that black Americans experienced during that time. If they wanted to make money, it was only to be through toiling and pain and being a “puppet on a string” to white Americans. Despite the toiling, the pain, and the hardship endured, the whites were still better than them because they could not allow black people to do better in life. Just as the way the gold could not benefit the boy because he finally realized it was fake. They were “brass pocket tokens advertising a certain make of automobile” (Ellison 276). Therefore, this shows that even if the black people worked hard to better their lives, they remained in the same situation because white people could not reward their hard work.
Moreover, the persistence of the boy symbolized the determination of black Americans during that period. Regardless of all the challenges and pain that the narrator went through, he never gave up on his goal, delivering the speech. This represented black people mentality back then; regardless of how much white people frustrated and mistreated them, they never gave on their final goal, acquiring social equality.
Symbolism in Hills like White Elephant
The Hills like White Elephant is a short story that begins with a description of the setting of the story in Spain at the train station surrounded by trees and hills and a valley. An American man and a girl sit at the train station waiting for a train to Madrid. They are in tension because of the pregnancy situation that is facing them. The author uses the white elephant, the rail station, the sunlight, and the relationship between the light and shades of darkness to develop the short story’s pregnancy’s situation.
In this short story, the girl introduces a white elephant image when she says the hills “looked like white elephants” (Hemingway 312). The man replied and said,” I’ve never seen one” (Hemingway 312). The girl had not seen any too, and this shows they were talking about a different thing. The white elephant is an idiom that symbolizes an unwanted gift that is useless, mainly because it is expensive to maintain and even to dispose of. In this case, the white elephant was used to symbolize the girl’s unwanted pregnancy, and the American man views it as a ruin to their relationship, thus needs to be disposed of.The light and relationship between darkness and light is another form of symbolism used by the author to develop the story. Near the train station are no nearby trees that can provide shade, it is exposed to direct sunlight, and the shadow cast by the building is the only shade available (Hemingway 311). The intense sunlight, in this case, symbolizes how the girl and the American man sees things. The sunlight that everyone is trying to run away from to find shade at the station’s bar represents the truth the girl and the American man are unwilling to face. The harsh sun is said to dry the hills’ grass, which symbolizes taking away their happiness. The comfort of drink signifies how they prefer not to discuss the real matter facing their relationship because, at the shade’s darkness, they cannot face the truth of carrying out an abortion head-on and therefore avoid this by taking alcohol.
Moreover, the lack of shadow and white hills on one side of the station symbolizes the girl’s wish to carry the pregnancy while the dry brown countryside represents the abortion outcome. Tired of the American’s pressure, she leaves the station’s shadow to think about the issue. At the same time, the American who is forcing her to abort prefers to stay in the darkness of the shade at the station and encourages her to come back because he does not want to face the truth (Hemingway 313).
The lonely rail station symbolizes the critical decision that the girl has to make, just like crossroads idiomatic expression signifies a crucial point where a choice has to be made for a change to take place. The isolation of the rail station also represents the girl’s desperate loneliness that she is going through while dealing with the situation despite the American man constantly interfering with it.Works Cited
Hemingway, Ernest. “Hills like white elephants.” (1927).
Ellison, Ralph. “Battle royal. New York. (1952).
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